mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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