She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
