why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
