Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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