Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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