The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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