Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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