I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
