I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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