I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
