haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
