Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
