see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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