I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
