just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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