my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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