My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
