Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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