I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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