I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
