i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
