You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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