i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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