Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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