This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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