I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
bring money and cleavage
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My penis needs a shock collar
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
