This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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