im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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