I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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