I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
