He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
