He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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