u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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