Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
