I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
