I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
