Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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