sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think my moral compass just broke
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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