My friends, they love my intelligence
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
