He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
