the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
