He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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