I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
