Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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