He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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