Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
