OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
