i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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