I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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