if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
