I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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