barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
