I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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