You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
