You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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