; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
