you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
