I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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