dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
