and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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