Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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