He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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