she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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