Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
