you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
