My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
