Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
