What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
