I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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