i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
