I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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